i’m so close to an epiphany - what a strange and impending feeling to be fully aware of what i should know, but have yet to feel. i’m waiting for it to consume me. it’s like my brain has got this figured out, but, as stupid as it sounds, it has yet to convince my heart of the idea.

i just want to feel independently, wholly happy on my own accord. i want to do things and feel the bliss of my own accomplishment and have nobody else to thank but myself. i feel like a leech of happiness, latching onto others and feeling satisfaction based on their feelings toward me. i wanna be whole, i wanna be me, and i wanna be strong, and i want my heart to stop giving such an enormous fuck